Let's Review that again!

Ever had one of those weeks that tests your sanity to the core?  One thing after another, chipping away, provoking you to question whether or not you’ve actually lost it.  You can feel your brain squeezing inside your skull, it hurts to think. But wait....reprieve from inevitable chaos! That brief moment when you take a breath, collect yourself, grab the coffee you left on the counter! “Okay -  it’s okay, let’s try this again!” – sigh

Wham-oh! You smack your hip into the countertop sending your sacred coffee into a spiralling mess and your nerves a puddle of despair! If you’re saying to yourself, “Nope. Never been there!” – you’re lying! We’ve all been there! It’s a parental rite of passage that we must embrace!

Tuesday morning, lunches were packed, homework had been signed, we even got to school on time and without incident.  Gracie had a terrific skating lesson, was a little fish at swimming and even entertained sitting in her stroller for a quick trip to the mall (with the bribery of a pretzel of course) to knock a few items off the old Santa list. With my mouth-watering butter pecan latte in hand and Christmas melodies playing in the back ground, I thought, “This is nice! Very nice indeed!” ----“Mama!! I gotta poo!”, interrupts my moment of holiday bliss.

We run to the restroom, when she informs me she does not have to go now. (Grrr) “Gracie, we have to get your brothers in five minutes. If you have to go, go now!” – pleading with a three year-old is like sticking your finger in an electric socket;  burning and unproductive.

Then, without warning, the downward spiral begins.  It’s raining and instead of staying inside the boys have been waiting outside. So, now their wet and apparently quite grumpy! Middle child is unimpressed by my tardiness and informs me it’s quite difficult to eat cereal for lunch when you don’t have a spoon (thought for sure I’d packed a spoon), then proceeds to dramatically emphasize the extent of his starvation!  Noah had been signed up for hot lunch (macaroni – his favourite), however, apparently they ran out, so he only had a bun for lunch! A bun, that was it! SERIOUSLY! – Ugh, the chest pains were back! My nice, happy day had gone  to pieces.

Home base was just more crazy! “He’s looking at me funny!”, “Don’t touch that it’s mine”, “MOM!! She’s got my light saber!”, “I don’t like that, I’m not eating it!” “Where’s my hockey stick, I’ve got hockey tonight!” – Blah, blah, blah!! Whine, whine, whine! – was there a full moon tonight?

Don’t worry honey, mommy is just going to take the light saber and stick it in her eye!   - Addled is an understatement. With that, my hubby arrives home in the nick of time. Noah and I run to the van as I shouted, “Good Luck honey”! -  I’m free!

From there we putter onward....Wednesday afternoon,  groceries and what not, only today I had a glorified blonde moment and actually forgot where I had parked the van.  Of course, now the Holiday shoppers are like vultures. The moment you set foot in the parking lot, you are a marked target!  Now, all eyes were on me and in what direction I was headed.  Problem was, I truly had no idea!

At one point I actually laughed out loud. “Nope, not my van” – “Ah ha! – Jingles...not that one either”.   For a second I contemplated going back inside.  Then, I did what any self-respecting person would have done... pretended to talk on my cell phone while I haphazardly meandered through the parking lot praying I would find my car. It didn't look good!

Now you may be asking yourself, “Why didn’t she use the remote and honk the horn”? Well, you must own a vehicle without any quirks for that to work.  My vehicle prefers that you be right in front of it before you press the “find me” button! 

Finally, I found my car and enjoyed a good laugh at my own expense.  Should I be concerned over my incident of memory loss? Maybe.  Maybe not.   When it was all said and done, I had my car, my groceries and three kids accounted for.  - Sounds like a success to me!!

"Great Gifts Under $10" - What?

Another Halloween night laid to rest.  Like most, we’ve sorted, thrown out, taste-tested and over eaten the yummy goodies hauled in by the kids.  We’ve instated guidelines of two treats per day, however, are enforcing the “do as I say” policy not the “do as I do” (lets just say I’ve snuck more than two!); and I believe the treats may conveniently disappear to a compost pile have they not been consumed in a timely manner.  Temptation is winning the battle!

All in all, Halloween is considered a success.  Great costumes, scrumptious candy, a house that didn’t get toilet-papered, pumpkins still in one piece, some overgrown trick or treaters...it’s all good! Though I might add, if you’re over the age of fourteen and are participating in Halloween activities, I have one request.  Please have the decency of NOT talking on your cell phone while multi-tasking your pillow case loot bag, motioning to me for a handout.  A better idea would be to take the phone away from your face, say “Trick or Treat”, grunt out some resemblance of a thank you and enjoy the rest of your evening.  

So, that was that.  

Tuesday morning after dropping the kids at school, I stop by Starbucks for a little morning treat.  I walked in the door, headed toward the line-up where I was abruptly stopped by what surrounded me.   It was everywhere...the smell, the colors...I actually had to take a moment and digest what I was seeing.  Only days earlier I’d dug out the old skeletons and pumpkin lights, which mostly likely will be hung for another week or so- and now, without so much as a blink, I was surrounded by ...Christmas!! Smells of cinnamon & peppermint filled the store, holiday themed coffee mugs displayed with gift cards and single-serving packets.  In the blink of an eye merchandisers had quietly transformed their stores to us unsuspecting 

Prior to now, I had noticed the occasional pre-lit tree, carelessly glanced over boxes of Seasons Greetings cards. Everywhere I went that day, stores had been transformed into Wintery Wonderlands.  I’d barely wrapped my head around the end of Halloween, hardly taken a breath...for a short fleeting moment, I felt uncommitted and self directed.  The Christmas Countdown on the radio chimes “only eight weeks left til Christmas” as I heard a lady down the aisle say, “You know, there’s only three more pay periods til Christmas”!  

 Martha Stewart’s elegantly tailored holiday trimmings, twinkling tree lights, ergonomic snow shovels along with festively decorated topiaries now filled the stores. Rows upon rows of Christmas trees line the aisles, end-caps filled with ribbons of all colors. “Hottest toys”, “Gifts for under $10”, “Gift giving made easy”!   Holiday shopping has officially arrived - smack in the face!

As the saying goes, “if you can’t beat them...join them”.  I retreated home, scurried about removing all signs of Halloween, suffered through a hot flash or two, then, proudly hung my seasonally appropriate winter wreath!

I, was not going to be left behind!

Happy Halloween!!!

Halloween is just around the corner.  Today at school the children are permitted to wear their costumes, bring a treat and participate in a school-wide parade.  The costumes have been carefully calculated (after all, we’ve had them in theory since late August) and assembled with school approved snacks packed ready to go.  The kids are pumped, they look adorable in their ensembles matched with giggles and ghostly roars! 

Like any mother, I love to see them so happy! Yet, I am all too aware of the chaos that is coming.  School Halloween parties should be called, “a sugar filled trick-or-treating test run”.  A brilliant idea!      Kids on any given day may stupefy us parents with hyperactivity and absurd behaviour; leaving us shaking our heads bewildered - and sometimes frightened!  

Nonetheless, we willingly participate in a tradition that dresses them in costumes (appropriate or not)  and supports door to door soliciting of treats, often by threatening minor pranks! Treats, that in the end will produce chocolate crazed children, belly aches – and if you’re lucky...an 11pm vomit spree of sweetie goodness! Oh we know better! To deprive them of a school function promising games and sweet goodies would be cruel. 

I’m sure the teachers have a chuckle to themselves while candidly handing out lollipops.  The classroom chaos cannot last longer than three o’clock.  Then the little Ghouls and Gremlins are booted through the door into the hands of their unsuspecting parents.  Later that evening it’s time to take inventory.  The once sugar-spiked euphoria is now a crash n’ burn, cranky filled mess!  The candy consumption level  must be carefully calculated to avoid a do-over.  If nothing else...we’ll try.

and............their off!!  As I deposit my little darlings back to class, even I can’t help feel excitement! I spot Witches, Cowboys, Vampires, Ninjas, an Angel with shorty shorts!  Yes, Halloween and it’s trimmings are to embraced and delighted in.  When else is it appropriate to dress like a Zombie and tell your kids they look delicious!  “You, little one, are on the menu tonight!”

 

Have a safe and Happy Halloween...”Trick or Treat”!!!!!

A List and A Chocolate!

Like many mothers I make an effort to be on top of upcoming events.  Birthdays, Anniversaries and other special occasions are marked on the calendar.  At times, I might even color code such events.    Not just to emphasize their importance, but also to acknowledge the great lengths I am willing to embrace in order to triumph over chaos.  I shall not hand over another tardy birthday card, accompanied with an “I’m so sorry it’s late! I just can’t seem to get on the ball”!

You know what? I am on the ball! I have the ever popular Mommy calendar. I tape school newsletters to my cupboards so I don’t lose them – sometimes I even read them!  I have multiple alarms on my phone, reminding me to “get this”, “pick up that”, “birthday party is tomorrow”; I've synced Google Calendars with my iphone on two different applications; and even put little boxes in front of each line of my to-do lists.  No, really! I do!  Mock me if you will! When you are surrounded by lists and lists, there is a great sense of accomplishment when you have checked off every little box.  That list is completed, it has been laid to rest with the symbol you love not only in adulthood, but did as a child in Elementary School.  “The Checkmark” 

By now you might be saying to yourself, “this girl has issues”.  Perhaps I do.  I have been mocked for my color-coded excel Christmas Lists, taunted for my ring-tone reminders, remaining undeterred in my undertaking.  Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.  You’ll catch yourself thinking, “that’s not a bad idea”. Then, you too will have color-coded post-it-notes!

Everyday there’s always something new to add to the list. Is there any need to be writing down “Halloween costume ideas?” in August?  Christmas trees in the stores by mid-September? I barely get my head around one event when there’s two more thrown in my face.  The great minds behind retail marketing have us list-loving mother’s all figured out.  They appeal for our need to be organized and reel us in to more ball-juggling chaos.  After all, back to school isn’t bad enough with clothes, numerous registrations, supplies, and so on.  Why not throw a few Aero and O’Henry Halloween bars in there.  One look at the Halloween candy (in late August that is) got me thinking I should stock up now.  Costumes and Halloween parties tend to overshadow the trick-o-treaters coming to my door. Why not have ample supply on hand? Buy now, check off list, one less thing to do!

Oh yeah! That was a great idea!  Those tiny little mini-bars taunt me from within their cellophane packages!  I’ve hid them, moved them, lost them and found them with great delight!  After all it would only be one; I’d have just one, single, tastebud tantalizing treat, containing a fraction of the calories of their full-sized chocolaty counterparts. Yes, just one.... 

In theory, it all made sense.  Yet, like any hypothesized experiment the assumption was incorrect.  For seven weeks now I have been snacking on these evil, addictive little gremlins. So much, they’re all gone!! Countless chocolate pieces and crinkled wrappers! Naughty Mommy!  What have I done?

In the end, I have resolved myself to this.  My proactive Halloween shopping, once a glorious completed checkmark, is now back with vengeance.  Only now, it has a few other friends there with it:                       1. Spin class at 7:30pm  2.  Drink more water  3.Call Weight Watchers. 

4. This year, forget the trick-o-treaters!!

Hockey begins!!!!

The 2010-2011 hockey season has officially begun!  Kicked off with an hour session of two-line, I hold on and brace myself for a chilly and exciting season.  To celebrate, I treat myself to the awesome Cafe-Mocha at Star B**ks!  Its blended chocolate espresso sweetness heated to perfection, topped with a fluffy cloud of whipped cream.   I savour the taste as the forwards surge down the ice in a symphony of intensity!  Sweet mother, 260 calories never tasted so good!!! A fitting cocoa blend to begin the journey of sub-zero temperatures, parkas and heated socks, but if nothing else...some good ole hockey!!!  Go boys!

 Power skating tomorrow will be accompanied with some general blended, home percolated goodness.   Along with the heated socks I’m pretty sure don’t work anymore. But for tonight....it was good!

The best part of back to school.

Oh my,  where to begin.  One minute it’s the first day back to school and the next October 1^st! How did that happen!  Well, I’ll tell you how.

First full week back to school our house became a safe haven for all and any flu/cold bug that came along.  I was the first to get sick and it was terrible!  I do not remember the last time I felt so awful and it only got worse.  Like flicking on a light-switch I went from feeling great to miserable in a snap.  Though I do have vague memories of a similar feeling,  I believe said feeling was the result of vodka cranberries during an afternoon at the campus bar.   I was in my kitchen talking to my mother, looking at her thinking, I don’t know if I’m just uninterested or truly unable to focus on a word she’s saying.  My head was getting heavier by the second.  I just wanted to go to bed and stay there...forever.

The next morning my husband had left for work at 5:30am.  I was semi-conscious and unimpressed.  Did he not believe me when I said I was sick?  Honestly, I can’t get up!  How was I going to take care of three kiddies, let alone get them out the door for school.  How could he leave me in this state? A sluggish glance by the mirror truly brought to life the severity of my demise.  My hair, matted and dishevelled,   mascara cascading down my flushed and blotchy cheeks. I shuffled down the hall like a decrepit creature.  My clammy hands bracing my way as I fight the spinning hallway finally making it to the kitchen.

My first born would come to my rescue.  Like a preview of my days to come in an Old Age Home he sat me in a chair,  got breakfast, helped get lunches together and even called my  neighbour to arrange getting to school;  all this while his mother now clenched the countertop, clinging on for dear life.  My body was shaking, my head was spinning.  Any efforts to stand up were futile. 

In the end, my friend took my brood and hers aboard our mini-van and deposited each at the appropriate drop-off.  Last stop, this mama was back home and going back to bed.

From there I got sicker and like clock-work the children followed soon after.  Our house was a sniffling, booger–filled disaster!  I had come down with pneumonia and the kids had varying symptoms of god only knows what.  “Mom, my cheek hurts!”, “Mom my feet hurt”, “Mom I can’t eat because my tongue hurts”, “Mom, I can’t stop coughing”, "Mom, there's a rash on my feet".....SWEET MOTHER OF JINGLES!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!

I was finally starting to feel human again. Yet, my kids, like all others at school  were riddled with ailment after ailment.  "Back to School" was also known as back to the festering cesspool of boogers, uncovered coughs, soppy tissues, grubby hands ...you get the idea.  Missed swimming, taekwon-do, and I think a math test, all part our accomplishments in the first three weeks of school.  Did I mention that in the middle of all this, Igor, the Category 1 Hurricane paid us a visit.  Massive flooding, and torrential winds cause great devestation and chaos.  For us personally, no damage and no flooding. Our only inconvience was no power for three days.  Three generators later (I love Honda), lots of Monopoly and some Advil Cold & Sinus...power was restored and I had the second best shower of my life!

So once again, my plans of regularly visiting the gym , timely laundry, clean bathrooms and cooked family dinners are foiled by a microscopic evil little virus. In the blink of an eye three weeks have glazed by and I’ve nothing to show for it.  Then again, there is the lingering smell of vomit and these black circles under my eyes are going to require a bit of effort.  Still, this mama is smiling and getting back in the saddle!  Next subject? I’m thinking flannel pyjamas and why people wear them out in public. You managed to do your hair and put on a coat, yet left on the flannel pyjama pants?

Back To School!

 While the last weekend of the summer officiates the fashion no-no of  “white after Labour Day”, it’s the first day of school that officially lays to rest the schedule free, come as we please days of summer; and today is that day!

The alarm goes off for the first time in two months beginning the morning ritual of breakfast, getting dressed, packing lunches and scurrying out the door.  As I’ve stated before, I believe that shuttles are put into orbit with more ease that what is normally required for us to be out of the house and on time for school.  Today though, is different!  Today school , like the New Year, brings hope and excitement. And, not just for the parents. 

The boys buzz through the house like little worker bees.  They’ve gotten dressed, brushed their teeth, packed their new backpacks.  They’re so excited! “I wonder who my teacher is going to be?”, “I can’t wait for Hockey to start!”, “Do you think I’ll have some friends in my class?” - they ask to each other as they head out the door.  Today - school is fun!!

I take my yearly “first day of school” pictures and off we go.  I smile as the boys and their buddies scurry along, bright eyed and smiling.  How cute are they!!  Then, I have a feeling of sadness as I say good bye to my little men as they’ve found their classes and settle in with ease.   Today - school IS fun! Today, I will have two children in school, one in daycare and a house to myself!  Can you hear me! “No kids and a house to myself!” It truly is a glorious moment!  What would I do?  The possibilities were endless! I too walk bright-eyed and smiling.

Ten weeks ago I had wondered what I was going to do to keep everyone entertained.  Oddly, enough, there wasn’t a lot of planning or effort required.  We functioned on a daily basis, going with whatever the “flow” would bring.  Add in a week of summer camp, hockey camp and a first time family vacation, we were on our way to fun times!

Now, with fresh haircuts and sun-kissed little faces another school year begins.  We’re off to the races and today it’s feeling pretty good! Happy kids make a happy Mama.

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