The Latté.

Gone are the days when one simply asked, “May I have a coffee please”, or “A spot of tea would be nice”.  Today there is a world of double-doubles, single-triples, four & two, half-caff.  Half caff?   You see, up until September of this year, my beverage drink of choice had been fountain pop.  McDonald’s fountain pop nonetheless.  However, the time had come for me to move on and I was using good old black coffee as its replacement, which was not doing the job; then one day a friend of mine bought me a latté.  I had my suspicions of a drink containing milk and hopefully some caffeine, however, beyond that...clueless.

This vanilla latté was delicious and I was hooked.  There was just one problem… how on earth was I going to order one myself.  I asked my friend more specifically explain what I was drinking, to which she replied, a “Vanilla Latté”.  Certainly it wasn’t as simple as that. Was that all I had to say when ordering? A simple, vanilla latté please.  The she drops the bomb. Well, you can have it with 1% milk or skim milk, decaf or half-calf, then sugar free syrup or not, foam or no foam….my brain had stopped all efforts to retain the words coming out of her mouth.  Gibberish would have made more sense.

Seven weeks passed and several failed attempts at ordering my finely tuned latté.  Yet, I persevered and finally felt confident that I had not only manufactured that perfect latté order, but would make its request via drive-thru!

I sat tall in my seat as I rounded the bend to the speaker, “Hi! What can I get started for you today?” -  “Oh God! Crap….I can’t think! Um…what the… I’ll just be one moment.”  I collected my thoughts then politely asked for a venti, non-fat, sugar free, vanilla café latté. – “Alright then, that’s a venti, skinny vanilla latté”.

“WHAT? Skinny who? I’m sorry, WHAT?!! Seriously??  Didn’t I ask for a sugar free, non-fat latté thingy?”  – What was happening? Where did this skinny stuff come from? Of all things sacred!  - I must have mumbled loud enough for the “voice in the box” to hear as his entertained chuckle caught my ear!  I was mortified and now extremely confused.  As I approached the window to collect my latté, the baristas smirk was just enough to add severe embarrassment to the menu.  Still, I had to ask…”why are you calling my drink skinny?” 

Today, five months later, I am as equally as muddled as ever.  I have, however, mastered my request for a “venti, skinny vanilla latté. Sadly though, my latté repertoire ends there.  Since my early days at the drive thru window of Star Bucks, I have also learned that you may even request extra foam, or no foam; perhaps you would like your beverage “extra hot”! – Intimidated and bewildered, I ask you, where did the simplicity go?

In talking so some other friends, I realize I am not alone in this dilemma. The great “café latté” bafflement has caused  mental stress and confusion.  Just recently, a friend ordered a “Grande skinny mini” – Now imagine if he had ordered it extra hot!  We will not be held captive Americanos, Tazo teas, and Chai this and thats.   I will broaden my horizons allowing my tastebuds to be tingled by the Caramel Macchiato, to savor the cocoa of a Mocha delicately topped with whip cream!  Now, if only I knew exactly what any of this was!

My Challenge! – having taken the time to read this Blog entry, I ask you to please share your favourite beverage of choice.  Email themommyjingles@gmail.com, or simply post a comment here on my blog, then I will pick one of your suggestions to try for the week. I’ve got my StarBucks card loaded and I’m ready to start sampling!

In addition, there’s no question that I am going to have to do my own research on latté’s and macchiato! It would make sense that I have some smidgen of understanding of what I’m drinking.  I have concerns, I won’t lie.  It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve embarrassed myself ordering something I have no clue about. Still, my $5.59 is worth the adventure and the end result…YUMMY!!!

Look out local Baristas The Mommy Jingles are coming….for one of us, it won’t be good!

 (please don’t let it be me!)
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The Mommy Jingles One Year Anniversary is just around the corner!
February 19, 2011